The Red-Head XI Of World Cricket

Forgive me if the writing here is a little ‘rusty’ (ba-dum-tish), but Jonny Bairstow’s deluge of follical rouge has stirred a childish interest within me. It is a subject that I was slightly concerned about penning an article about, as I am aware that gingers worldwide are one of the few groups to have been mocked and persecuted more times than an Australian rugby scrum. Thankfully however, after not very much research, I can see that a respected corporation like the BBC has a very similar childish interest, so I’ll proceed.

Unlike the Beeb which was lazy enough to use daywalkers like Ian Bell in it’s Redhead team, I’m going to try to use pure breed carrot-tops, placing their picture next to a can of Fanta as a benchmark:



Chris Rogers – Tragically for the man who averaged above 50 in his first class career across two continents, even his stark ginger hair couldn’t see him win more than one cap in an era of Matt Hayden and Justin Langer.

Eoin Morgan – After Scotland, Ireland has the highest percentage of copper toppers in the world. Morgan’s hair has the darker red of a Duke cricket ball over it’s brighter Kookaburra cousin, but his pale face confirms him as a worthy candidate.

Neil Fairbrother – The original template to the Michael Bevan finisher role, Fairbrother’s fluffy auburn curls were a reassuring sight on any one-day international run chase.

Paul Collingwood – A flash of genius at backward point, a flash of fiery orange atop his crown.

Jonny Bairstow (wk) – Ok, so we don’t know if he can keep wicket or even bat very well just yet, but his hair is magnificent terra cotta.


Scott Styris – An all-rounder who has oft died his hair blonde, but we all know what is lying underneath.

Shaun Pollock – The best ginger player ever, surely. I grew up convinced that most (white) South Africans were of a ginger nature, just because of this man’s incessant line and length, and proud orange mane.

Craig McDermott – Fast, hostile, undeniably ginger.

Mark Ilott – A bowler who deserved more metaphorical international caps to cover his red hair than he got.

Andrew McDonald – Exceptional in the IPL, his tight bowling is only exceeded in scale by the ferocity of his eyebrows in particular.

Glen Chapple – Ok, he could be more ginger, but his freckles, away swingers and the complete lack of ginger spinners in my admittedly small, English County game (was Chris Schofield a ginger?) biased mind means he gets the number 11 spot.

The “Fanta-stick” meter used for measuring one’s qualifications for the XI


About wrongunatlongon

I'll muse on various subjects, mainly involving willow, leather and grass. My natural instincts is to heap as many compound adjectives as I can to sporting natterings. If you like, then feel free to link :)
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12 Responses to The Red-Head XI Of World Cricket

  1. pete gordon says:

    You’ve missed out Johnny’s father David Bairstow, a podgy fireball of a man who bludgeoned many a run for Yorkshire as well as keeping wicket. He was as freckly as they come and even used to sport a magnificent moustache that was remarkably similar to a foxes tail resting on his top lip.

  2. pete gordon says:

    I’m honestly not stalking you, but I was trying to come up with a world class XI who sported tashes. I have a pretty good line up that would’ve taken some beating in their prime, with the exception of a decent spinner.

    Murali really had a bit of a goatee so I can’t include him.

    My XI Is: Graham Gooch, Jimmy Cook, fantastic South African run machine and Graham Gooch lookie likey, Brian Lara, Alan Border, David Boon, Ian Botham, Clive Lloyd, Kapil Dev, Jack Russell, Merv Hughes and AN Other moustachioed spinner.

    Any help would be mildly appreciated.

  3. pete gordon says:

    Hmmm I’ve seen one or two photos of him with a caterpillar perched atop his lip, but I wouldn’t say he was usually adorned.

  4. kirbyakasid says:

    There’s also the ginger of the Australian future – George Bailey. Not the world’s greatest batsman but a proven captain, his job is to make Australia look slightly less rubbish at T20. Rough gig, huh?

    • Good shout. I reckon Australia have quite a few hidden gingers in their ranks; Cameron White is an obvious one (with a potential nickname of ‘Cameron Red’?), and I oft wonder what is lying underneath that bleach in Michael Clarke’s hair…

  5. Eagerbrad says:

    Polly is proof that gingers do indeed have souls. What a man. <–my comedy blog peepz.

  6. Jimmy says:

    Ben Stokes is gonna be a top player.

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